“I think you’re doing this on purpose so you have something to post on your blog,” Ben said to me when I unveiled the latest in my line of Things I Have Made That Do Not Look Edible.

But I swear to you (and that means a lot; I’ll even use a swear word:) guys that I did NOT screw this up on purpose.

In fact, I had every intention of making Passover macaroons as a lovely, memorable event for my daughter as I introduced her to the holiday this year.

The condensed milk was without doubt the BEST part of making macaroons. Next time I'll simply buy some condensed milk, pour it into a bowl, and call it a day. Or better yet, just eat it over the kitchen sink right out of the can.

My mother never made macaroons. She ALWAYS bought the Manichewitz ones, though, because Publix bothered to care about the small population of Jewish folk who resided in the Tampa area, where I grew up.

Fargo does not care a whit about its Jewish population. I do love Fargo, but come on, man.* We have 250,000 people, and some of them are Jewish. I bet even the non-Jewish population could get behind the chocolate-covered matzo. After all, Fargo prides itself on its chocolate-covered salty snack foods. Are you listening, Hornbachers?

The unleavened goop.

I looked up the recipe, and boy* did it look easy. It practically looked unscrewupable, which should have been my first clue that this would not end well.

The recipe from meals.com (i.e., Nestle), in case you would like to ruin your spatula.

MACAGOOP

Gather every (erm, edible) sticky thing you can find and put it in a mixing bowl.
Scoop goop onto best cookie sheet. Say good-bye to cookie sheet.
Pop into oven for 10 minutes at 350 degrees. Or for 350 minutes at 10 degrees. Pretty sure it doesn’t matter.
Remove goop from cookie sheet. Put cookie sheet in garbage.
Eat it with a spoon.

Fresh out of the oven.

Now that I’ve made and destroyed macaroons, I have come to realize that even though the word “macaroon” sounds a lot like “maccabee” (as in Judah Maccabee; anyone? anyone? buellstein?), macaroons actually have nothing to do the great exodus from Egypt and are only part of Passover because we like to eat junk food even if we have to forgo the leavening.

It looks like a hot mess, but it tasted delicious. Seems after we all had a generous helping (requiring multiple cleanups afterward) that Ben deposited the remainder of the goop into the outside garbage can. The raccoons are in for a treat tonight!

I leave you with one of my favorite Macaroons songs: Seder Plate.